Sports Sayings That Have To Go (Installment 2)

In case you were wondering, there is a heated debate going on in the comments section of my previous post.

Just to recap, here are the first 3 entries:

  1. We (they) hit them (us) in the mouth.
  2. Pace.
  3. Meteoric rise.
If you don't like my entries or my thoughts about them, go to hell and post on your own blog. Or post a comment. Whatever.

Also, I've found a running theme through all my posts. The theme is that with each post, I have posted a picture of an attractive female celebrity. I like this theme, and I will make it my M.O. for the duration of my involvement with the blog.

And for the next 3 sports-isms that I despise...

"Here's a guy..." This phrase was coined by John Madden circa 1998 (75 lbs. and 2.5 head sizes ago). Al Michaels uses it now. That pussy Joe Buck uses it now. Even Chris Welsh uses it now. It was kinda cute when Madden said it, because Madden could say anything at any time. It was a quirk of his that should not have been adopted by other announcers. Other announcers don't say "BRAK!" do they? No, they do not. Look, Mr. Welsh/Buck/Michaels et al., when you are talking about a player, and you have made it clear who this player is by using his name or by some other means of reference, there is no need for the superfluous "Here's a guy..." Just use a simple pronoun or his last name (not his first, unless used in conjunction with his last... that's a separate entry). There is no need to reintroduce the person about whom you are already speaking. And even if you have not made it clear about whom you are speaking, just fucking tell us!

Literally. While 82% of all statistics are made up, 99.9927% of instances of the word "literally" in sports broadcasts occur in situations when the announcer, in fact, means the exact opposite. Example: "He literally bulldozed his way into the endzone!" Broken down, the announcer is LITERALLY saying that the ball-carrier brought a piece of heavy construction equipment onto the field, got in the cockpit, fired it up, and then proceeded to operate this piece of equipment in such a way that he made it into the endzone, clearing out all in his path. The announcer means to say that the ball-carrier ran into the endzone despite several opposing players trying to prevent him, by physical force, from doing so. Thus, said ball-carrier NOT LITERALLY bulldozed his way into the endzone. Just drop the word "literally" and you have your metaphor. Sometimes less is more.

By the way, Megan Fox is literally as hot as the sun.

Here's a girl who looks good in and on yellow!

Mathematically Eliminated. I am referring to the use of this phrase in relation to qualifying for the playoffs, in any sport. I suppose that the term is a contrast to the term "practically eliminated." The difference, as I see it, might be that a team 10 games back with 12 to play is practically eliminated, though is not mathematically eliminated. And yet, the concept of elimination is understood as binary... like being pregnant or being dead. You either are, or you aren't. There's no gray area. So, if an announcer said that "the [insert my favorite team, because I hear it every year with all my favorite teams] are eliminated," I would immediately conclude that there is no scenario in which they can make the playoffs. It becomes a mathematical inquiry. Thus, to say a team is "mathematically eliminated" is entirely redundant. I understand the use of "practically eliminated," but its counterpart should simply be "eliminated."

By way of analogy, let's suppose you have a friend who has been married almost 3 years, whose wife talks incessantly about her nieces and nephews, she's forced her husband to repaint the guest bedroom with pastel colors and to get his Playboys and Jenna Jameson collection out of the closet, and she bought a book of baby names when she was shopping for Tide (with bleach) at Target last weekend. If this were my friend, I would chide him by saying that his wife is "practically pregnant." He understands what I am trying to say. Sure, she's not really pregnant, but for all intents and purposes, it's a done deal. Now let's say the same friend's wife stops using birth control for a month and gets knocked up when she mysteriously changes her hair color, buys new slutty lingerie, and actually lets him do her in the butt for a few minutes first, notwithstanding the epic horror show that ensued the last time they tried it. Then she's pregnant. You wouldn't call her "scientifically pregnant" or "biologically pregnant." No. You'd call her a fucking bitch. And still, she's just pregnant. No need to modify that adjective. Herein lies my point.

I hate when an individual person redundantly repeats himself over and over. Really annoys me.

Maybe more entries later.


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LOST and (not really) Found # 3

Back in business. Finally got around to watching Lost last night….and it was awesome! So if you haven’t watched it yet, keep reading at your own risk

Let me state here that in these articles, I’m not covering everything. Just like Mixed Martial Arts, Lost could (and has) take up an entire blog. So I’m just highlighting some things and choosing to expand on others. If you want the episode summaries and all sorts of other information, I’ll remind you to check out LostPedia.

Let’s start with some obvious things. First, Ben, for all of his dorky exterior, gets more badass every time I see him. The way he took out that guy with the asp (the extendable baton he nailed him in the face with), then shot the other guy – that was just awesome. And he speaks Turkish and Arabic, too – where the hell did that come from? I thought it was Farsi initially, but apparently I was wrong. I think a bigger question here is how he got to Iraq. He claimed he went across the border, but when he arrived at the hotel he asked what the date was, including the year, which tells me that the writers at least want us to consider the possibility that Ben has time traveled. Not to mention, when he woke up in the desert, there was no trail around him showing where he came from.

On a more random note, in case anybody didn’t notice, at the hotel Ben stated his name was Dean Moriarty. Apparently we’ve seen this name before on one of Ben’s fake passports, but I didn’t hear/see it until last night. Initially my thought was of Professor Moriarty from the Sherlock Holmes stories (and League of Extraordinary Gentleman), but then I remembered where else I’ve heard the name – On the Road, by the Jack Kerouac. Dean is one of the main characters in the book. I’m not going to launch into a book report – it’s a good book, check it out. And while it may not be the most fitting name, because Dean lived like a rockstar with the drugs and women and so on, the overarching theme is still about the journey, and I think we can all agree that Ben is on a (really fu**ed up) journey. But….moving on.

The doctor from the boat is dead – got his throat slit – but when the islanders “morse coded” the boat to find out what happened, they said the doctor was fine. Now, since we weren’t shown the doctor walking around on the boat to confirm this, there are obviously two options: (1) the people on the boat are lying, or (2) it’s part of the time flux weirdness and the doctor on the boat may not actually be dead. I really don’t know which one it is. By the way, Kudos to Bernard for knowing morse code – he totally punked out Farraday when Farraday tried to lie about what the people on the boat said.

Back to Ben….and Sayid.

It seems pretty clear that we know how Sayid got hooked up with Ben – Ben pointed out the guy that allegedly killed Sayid’s wife.

Frankly, I don’t think that guy killed Sayid’s wife. I do believe the guy worked for Widmore, and he was probably following Sayid, but I’d bet that Ben actually killed Sayid’s wife and then set everything up because he knew Sayid would go all crazy-assassin on Widmore’s ass and start killing all of his people. Hence, the smile when Ben was walking away from Sayid after Sayid asked “Who’s next?” Also, we learned why Ben is on this quest, too – one of Widmore’s people killed Ben’s daughter. Now, the killing itself wasn’t that crazy, but afterwards is when things got a little crazy….well, a lot crazy.

First, Ben starts talking about how “he changed the rules”. We later learn that “he” is Widmore, and that apparently, Widmore and Ben do know each other, and that Widmore believes that island is his and that everything Ben has, he stole from Widmore. But on to my favorite, and the most confusing, part of the show….Ben summoned the motherfu**ing monster!!! That was awesome. And yes, Ben definitely called it. Now, exactly how he did this, I don’t know. And how much control he can actually exert over this thing, I have no idea….and what the monster even is, I still have no clue – but the point is, Ben called it, and it tore some shit up. FYI, ole LostPedia said the hieroglyphics on the door Ben opened to get back in the second secret room read “to summon protection”. I know I’m a dork, but seriously, how cool is that?

(As far as the levels of dorkness go, though, I’ve got to wonder where some of these LostPedia guys get their info. Obviously they have some inside sources, because seriously, who keeps somebody on staff just for translating hieroglyphics? Having said that, I think it would be awesome to have my only job be to watch lost and just rant and rave about the different parts of it. I mean hey, I do that now for free, I certainly wouldn’t mind to get paid for it.)

So the monster showed up and ripped through the mercs, and also looked a lot bigger than it has in the past. And I think the sound people went farther to really emphasize the mechanical sound of the monster, perhaps to underscore the fact that this isn’t something that is alive so much as something that’s operated or controlled.

Post-attack, Sawyer decides to take Claire, Aaron, Miles and Hurley back to the beach, but Ben had told Locke that they needed Hurley to find Jacob’s cabin, so after a heated debate where guns were pulled, Hurley agreed to go with Locke and Ben.

Then we’re back to Ben’s flash-forward where he’s having a discussion with Widmore about killing his daughter, and Ben says that he’s going to kill Widmore’s daughter, Penelope….for those of you living under a rock….on Mars….Penelope is Desmond’s girl, “Penny”. Widmore claims that Ben will never find her, and Ben claims that Widmore will never find the island, so the hunt is on for both of them.

Remember, this was episode 1 of 5 that are left, and the writers had to cram in 8 episodes worth of material into 5, so I think the last four are going to be just as informative.

Ben and Widmore present an interesting dynamic, sort of dueling psychopaths – they both want something, and they’ll both do anything to get it – but in a situation like this, who is really the good guy? Or is there even a good guy? Honestly, I think they’re just dueling bad guys trying to get the biggest piece of the pie. Ben may seem to be the better man now, because he’s shown that he’ll protect some people on the island, but we really don’t know why Widmore has such a fixation with the island, so who is to say what his motives are? All I know is that I’m liking this season more and more, and I think we’re definitely going to see some more big fights before these last four episodes are finished.


p.s. I’m going to devote the next Lost article (hopefully prior to Thursday’s episode) to attempting to answer some questions posed by The Baumer and others, about some prior episodes.

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Sports Sayings That Have To Go (Installment 1)

I love sports. I watch sports all the time. I spend way too much of my time with sports (or so my wife tells me). That being said, there are a number of sports-isms, if you will, that make me want to launch the remote control through the TV. For the record, I could not afford (literally) such an expression of my ire. Anyway, I am going to compile a list with these sports-isms, including a blurb about each. Though there may be some overlap, I promise I am not stealing any of this from Bill Simmons.

"We (they) hit them (us) in the mouth." This expression refers to one team being tougher and more physical than the other team. You will almost always hear this from 1 of 2 possible sources. 1) Football players in a post-game press conference, describing why his team either won or lost. 2) Keyboard warriors on football message boards, describing what it will take to win in a given week. (See: Steelers/Ravens fans, whose teams play ugly fucking football, but use illegal tactics to appear tough and win anyway.)

OK, we get it. Football teams have to be tough to win. But why the mouth? Why not the nose? Or the ear? Why not "kick in the teeth"? Joe Johnson of the Atlanta Hawks (yes, the NBA Atlanta Hawks) just used that in a post-game press conference to describe why Boston was beating Atlanta early in Game 4. So now this saying has spread to basketball?? If it's being tougher and physical-er (wait, that doesn't sound right... oh well) than your opponent, can't we all agree to just use plain English instead of some ridiculous metaphor? And if you have ever typed that on a message board, you're a douchebag. Because you're probably a Steelers fan.

Pace. I've watched golf for many years. I love having lazy Saturdays or Sundays where I can flip back and forth between golf and some other sporting event. There's something soothing about the soft voices of the announcers, the music going to and coming from commercials, and the green grass everywhere. But when I hear an announcer or golfer say the word "pace," I almost lose it. For years, people used the appropriate word: "speed." Then, I think some time between the end of the season in '02 and the start of the season in '03, they (the PGA Skulls, of course) had an underground meeting and decided that no one associated with professional golf can ever use the word "speed" to describe how fast a ball is traveling toward the cup. Just like that, everyone and their grandmas started saying, "That putt has good pace!" or "He didn't put enough pace on it!" It's not pace... it's fucking SPEED! How fast did the ball go? Did he hit it hard enough? Those are the important questions. But "pace"??? I know it means essentially the same thing as "speed," but it's ridiculous that everyone says "pace" now, when they used the more accurate and appropriate word forever before that fateful day in the dungeoned halls below Augusta. Happy Gilmore would never say "pace." It's phony. I hate phony.

Meteoric rise. Tracing the etymology of this term, I found that it dates all the way back to 2003, when Brian Goldberg thought he was being clever in a UFC broadcast. Even if you don't follow the UFC, you may recognize Goldberg from his extensive work on FSN announcing beach volleyball. Because I love the UFC, and I have a crush on Kerri Walsh (pictured below), I am very familiar with his work.

Anymore, the phrase is used to describe musicians, movie and tv stars, even business big wigs. Some people may tell you that the phrase was used before Goldberg, but they are dirty liars. So listen to me, not them. Anyway, the phrase sucks because 1) Goldberg has no other way to describe a fighter's early success in the UFC; and 2) we don't see meteors unless they FALL into our atmosphere. That's right, boys and girls. Sometimes you hear the phrase "meteor shower." What about that makes you picture something rising? Nothing. Meteors don't rise. End of story. Sweet, sweet Goldberg... I beg of you... please do not use this phrase ever again!

More entries later.


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UFC 83 Picks Update and LOST

It appears that, at least temporarily, the bad streak is broken. I went 8 for 11 on my picks for UFC 83. Much better than my normal 50% average. Here is what I find funny. I play the UFC Fantasy game as well as the one on MMAPlayground, and I enter the exact same picks on both sites. . The two sites award points differently, and admittedly, the UFC site is a bit more lenient. But here’s the thing.

On MMAPlayground, I placed somewhere like 4,083 out of 8,100.

On the UFC site, I placed 77 out of 18,000. Even though I understand they have different point-awarding systems, I still find the differences hilarious.

On a side note, Lost is back tonite, and I’m hyped. There are only 5 episodes left in the season, and the writers had to cram 8 episodes’ worth of material into these 5, so it’s going to be pretty exciting all the way through. Look for an episode recap in the next few days.

And here is the rest of it.
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PreView's Picks for UFC 83

Due to some time constraints, Puddin’ and I haven’t been able to get together to do our point/counter-point for the upcoming UFC event this weekend. So, I’m going to just be listing my picks, and I imagine Puddin’ will do something similar.

Anyway, here you go. (If I’m lucky, maybe I’ll get better than 50% this time.)

Georges St. Pierre vs. Matt Serra – Serra

Rich Franklin vs. Travis Lutter – Rich Franklin

Kalib Starnes vs. Nate Quarry – Nate Quarry

Mark Bocek vs. Mac Danzig – Mac Danzig

Charles McCarthy vs. Michael Bisping – Michael Bisping

Alan Belcher vs. Jason Day – Alan Belcher

Joe Doerkson vs. Jason MacDonald – Jason MacDonald

Ed Herman vs. Demian Maia – Demian Maia

Sam Stout vs. Rich Clementi – Sam Stout

Kuniyoshi Hironaka vs. Jonathan Goulet – Jonathan Goulet

Brad Morris vs. Cain Velasquez – Cain Velasquez


And here is the rest of it.
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The "No-One-Has-Posted-In-A-While" Post

To all our loyal readers (yes, both of you), I want to apologize on behalf of PV and myself for slacking in our blog duties. Hopefully this post will help you pass the time. For your troubles, here is a photo-pology...
In related news, Eva Mendes has now taken over the top spot on my list of people I can sleep with and my wife can't get pissed about it. Rounding out the top 5 are Carrie Underwood, Megan Fox, Keira Knightley and Uma Thurman. In case you cared. Which you didn't. (Note: Amanda Bynes is not permitted on the list.)

No luck so far in trying to negotiate the length of the list to 100+ or include anyone we actually know. Further bulletins as events warrant.

Also, in case this blog takes off and we are read by tens and tens of internetters, I will be keeping a running diary of the new season of TUF. I have notes for the first 2 episodes, and after tonight, I'll have notes for the third. Hopefully soon I'll get those posted for your enjoyment. Or not.

Addendum: Apparently some of you felt as though the previous Eva pic was NSFW. That means you all need new jobs. Therefore, I have substituted another pic from her Maxim UK spread. I'm not normally a foot guy, but I do love that pic.


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Kung Fu Seminar this weekend

The Kung Fu school I train under is hosting a couple seminars this weekend - for details, see the info below. I know that there is often not much room for more traditional martial arts in today's mixed martial arts world, but the techniques used in takedowns and groundfighting all have very useful real-world applications. So if you're interested, drop me an email for more info, or feel free to post a comment. (And by the way, I'm not the contact person listed below, so if you call him - he's actually my teacher - he may not immediately know what you're talking about if you mention that you saw it on my blog.)

Throwing methods and groundfighting techniques from traditional chinese kungfu

Ground fighting:
The cost for this seminar
is $20. Instruction will
begin at 1:00 p.m. and
end at 4:00 p.m.Saturday.

The cost for this seminar
is $20. Instruction will
begin at 1 p.m. and end at
4 p.m. Sunday.

Attend both seminars
and save $5.
For questions and
registration, contact
Patrick Dillon,
or phone 606-584-0216.

Sat.,April 12
Sun.,April 13,2008

Limestone YMCA, 1080 US 68 South, Maysville, KY.
Contact Song Mountain Monastery for more information,seminars,
and other instructional work at ninegate@gmail.com or go to

So there you go - I've been training under this style for just over a year now, and it's a lot of fun and a great workout, and the instructors are very patient and very eager to teach.


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Guilty Pleasures #1: Puddin's Reply

I have known for some time of PreView's affinity for shows whose target demographic is the 14-18 year old mid-to-upper-class female. I make fun of him constantly because of it. But it reminds me of one of my own guilty pleasures.

On our trip back from our honeymoon, my wife and I had to connect through Miami, and in the process, pass through customs. Much to my surprise (and delight), we passed through customs immediately behind the lovely Amanda Bynes (pictured below).

Like an idiot school boy (which comprises 90-95% of who I am anyway), I get all excited and point it out to my wife. Predictably, she was thrilled by neither 1) Amanda Bynes; nor 2) my reaction to the situation.

Wife: That's really creepy. She's a teenager!
Me: She's not a teenager. She's 21.
[Death stare from the woman I married 8 days ago.]
I wasn't sure if she was upset at the content of my response, how quickly it came, or both. But I had definitely put my foot in my mouth. Apparently my response was just about the worst thing I could have said, a close 2nd to: "I had sex with your sister during the reception last weekend."
Wife (annoyed) : How in the hell do you know that?
Me (sheepishly) : I dunno. You gotta keep track of that sort of stuff.
0 for 2.
Wife (deadpan) : If you ask her for her autograph, I'm divorcing you.
Instead of trying to convince Ms. Bynes to join us in a threesome, I decided then that it would be in my best interest to let this one go for a while. After all, attractive female celebrities reach the age-of-consent milestone all the time. Thank you, Nickelodeon. (In my defense, she was 21. I was completely in the clear.)

So there you have it... while PV prefers to watch them on TV, I like to check their IMDB pages to figure out their birthdays. In the words of one of the great 20th Century American philosophers, "I get older... they stay the same age." Amen, Wooderson. Amen.

Postscript: Customs in Miami was an absolute ZOO that day (maybe it's like that everyday... I don't know). It was a miracle we were able to find an employee who actually spoke English. To Ms. Bynes credit, even though she was getting some of the celeb treatment, she still had to wait with everyone else. She stayed calm and was polite whenever she spoke. I didn't know exactly what was going on, but I suspect that one of her bags didn't make it to Miami. I guess I expect female celebs like her to act like self-important, entitled, princess bitches, but she seemed pretty cool. I guess what I'm trying to say is, Amanda, if you're reading this, I would like to have a threesome with you.

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Guilty Pleasures # 1 (NSFW)

My biggest guilty pleasure is probably pseudo-reality shows like Laguna Beach and The Hills. Yeah, I know, they're terrible shows, but that's why it's called a guilty pleasure, folks....and now, watching those stupid shows has finally paid off in a way that's kept me laughing for a week now. But seriously, don't check this out at work, there's some filthy stuff that follows...but filthy in a fun way.

So - Audrina Partridge is one of the "stars" of The Hills. Now, it's recently come to light that she posed for some nude photos. For your convenience, I've enclosed a link you can check outhere.

Clicking on the censored pics will get you the uncensored versions...if you're into that sort of thing.

Anywho, she has sinced claimed they were for her "portfolio" and were meant to be "artistic"....because nothing screams artistic like a naked girl in a bathtub wearing a cowboy hat.

Now, I love this kind of stuff (beyond the nude factor) because these girls think they're "stars" or "actresses" and I really get a kick out of pictures like these because I can tell you exactly how this photo shoot went...like this....

Audrina: So, thanks photographer, for taking pics for my portfolio. Are there any more outfits you think I should try?

Photog: Well...hmm...I don't know...Wait, I've got it! How about we take some pictures of you standing in a bathtub, naked, wearing a cowboy hat?

Audrina: I don't know, that seems kind of slutty, I don't think I should take any nude photos.

Photog: Oh, come on - all of the famous actresses are doing it. How do you think such great stars like Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton got to be as popular as they are? Would I ever do anything that could come back to haunt you? And seriously, has any popular person ever gotten in trouble because of some harmless nude pics?

Audrina: Well...you're probably right - but they have to be artistic, too.

Photog: No problem - you get naked and I'll get artistic.

And there you have it, folks. I love reality TV and the whores that make it almost worth watching.

Some other reality shows filled with whores:

- Rock of Love
- Flavor of Love
- Beauty and the Geek
- America's Next Top Model

I think Rock of Love and Flavor of Love are my personal favorites of these four just because Brett Michaels and Flavor Flav are two of the most unlikely reality TV stars ever, and the fact that there are women who both want to and will sleep with them....well, I just think that's hilarious. Because seriously, aside from Michaels and Flav, I think the only bigger no-talent assbag that ever did so little to have women sleep with him has been William Shatner.

- PreView

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How I'm attempting to sell out.

The original PV suggested to me I might try to ad some ads to the page, to literally make "tens and tens of cents". How could I refuse that? Although until my account gets officially approved, all that's going to appear are public service ads. Hooray. Here's a more helpful public service announcement - don't get the clap.

- PreView

And here is the rest of it.
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LOST and (not really) Found # 2

Let’s talk about the Oceanic 6 .


First, I’ll go with something “Giantasianman” (GAM) said, which was that there are still other survivors who are alive. However, these are the ones who appear to be the “only” survivors – to the general public, at least. Hence the fake story that Jack told when he was testifying at Kate’s trial, and the fact that Mr. Abbadon found Hurley at the crazy house and asked him if there were still others alive, and where they were. Now, ignoring some of the questions that come from that encounter, let’s review what we know about each of the 6, post-island.

JACK – first one we realized to be one of the 6, from the first flash-forward at the end of last season. We find Jack has regressed back to his “I’ve never met a drink I didn’t like” days, and he’s constantly flying on Oceanic flights, hoping they’ll crash. He’s also trying to score pills again, and appears to be a hero saving a woman from a crash, but in reality, he caused the crash because she was looking at a man who was standing on the edge of bridge, presumably getting ready to jump. That man was Jack. We also find him to be the only visitor at a closed-casket funeral (don’t know who is in the casket), and he’s constantly calling someone who we later find out to be Kate. He tells Kate he wishes they never left the island and he wishes they could go back.

KATE – Aside from the involvement in Jack’s flash-forward, we find that Kate has turned herself in to face the charges of killing her step-father. We also find out that she has a kid, who is later revealed to be AARON, Claire’s kid. Although the public seems to believe that the kid is actually Kate’s, even her mother who asks to see her “grandchild”. Now, Kate makes a deal to go free, the only real stipulation is that she doesn’t leave California. This deal was made possible by the fact that the prosecution’s main witness, Kate’s mom, decides not to testify. Aside from going free, we find out that Kate, formerly the drifter with no money, drives a Volvo and a nice house. Jack wants to hang out with Kate, but she says until he decides to acknowledge Aaron, she won’t spend time with him. Remember, Aaron is actually Jack’s nephew (Claire is his half-sister), so does he not want to see Aaron because he reminds him of family problems, or because of the people they left on the island?

AARON – I previously referred to Aaron as the biggest cop-out for the show’s makers. Instead of having another adult survivor, we’ve got Aaron, who is obviously not going to remember anything about his experience on the island, and unless the producers are going to flash-forward 10 years or something, he’s not going to be involved except as a sort of sub-survivor.

HURLEY – Hurley is back in the crazy house after seeing visions of Charlie, telling him that the people he left behind need Hurley for help (another clue people that aren’t part of the 6 are still living – somewhere). Mr. Abbadon comes to visit Hurley, posing as an Oceanic lawyer, trying to get information out of him. Jack also comes to visit Hurley, and Hurley says that he wished he would’ve stayed with Jack, instead of going with Locke – and it’s important to note that in both Kate’s flash-forward and Hurley’s, Jack appears to be still more of the functioning alcoholic Jack, having maintained a decent appearance, and telling Hurley that he’s doing some “consulting”. He’s still having his morning screwdriver, but he’s not the wild-eyed Jack we saw in his own flash-forward.

SAYID – What’s awesome about Sayid’s post-island life? He’s a hitman. What’s possibly not so awesome? That he’s working for Ben. We find that Sayid worked his way into one of Widmore’s assistant’s life (and pants), but that she knew who he was, and almost killed him, but he killed her instead. When Ben was stitching Sayid up, he stated to Sayid something to the effect that Sayid had to be careful because he had to remember what happened the last time he let love/feelings overshadow his judgment – and Ben made an obscure reference to the “last time” that happened. Now, Sayid believes the people he’s killing are harmful to his friends – again, another reference to other survivors who are still alive.

SUN – Sun successfully has her baby, but only Hurley comes to visit her, and we find out that Jin is not one of the 6, and also that he may potentially be dead. I say potentially, because Sun, Hurley and the baby visit Jin’s tombstone, but the date of death they have on the tombstone is the date of the crash. So – is Jin really dead or did he just not make it off the island? If not, why not? I can’t imagine he’d leave Sun unless he had to for her and the baby’s survival.

Now that everyone knows who the 6 are, there are obviously a ton of questions. First, something else GAM said – that “Oceanic 6” is likely a name given to them by the press, to help sensationalize the reemergence of the survivors. Now, I do believe that GAM is right about the press thing, but I don’t believe that there are other survivors who are alive, AND known to be alive by the public – I think it’s just these guys who are “supposed” to be the actual survivors.

What’s also important is that they have not definitively established a timeline for the flash-forwards. Here are my guesses, earliest to latest.

1. Kate’s trial /Aaron
2. Sun
3. Hurley in crazy house
4. Drunk, bearded Jack
5. Sayid?
Now, I think Kate’s trial is first, or at least close to first, because Jack is still functioning alcoholic Jack. Sun is second, because Hurley is still out in public. (However, this could also mean that it’s at the end, if Hurley were to get out of the crazy house and then go see Sun. Hurley in the crazy house clearly comes before drunk, bearded Jack because Jack is still functioning. However, as far as Sayid’s, I’m really not sure. I didn’t catch any big external clues that would clue us in as to where that falls. However, as I noted in my first article, there are clearly things that I’ve missed before, so if someone knows of any external clues in Sayid’s flash-forward, please feel free to enlighten me.

But all of this, as with most things LOST, bring us back to one of the most basic questions – so what? Which then of course brings a whole bunch of other questions.

- Why these 6?
- What did they have to do to get off the island?
- Why are they lying about what happened on the island?
- Are they ever going to make it back to the island?
- Are there other survivors somewhere back in the US or elsewhere that people don’t know about ( a la Michael, before he returned on Widmore’s ship).
- What is the timeline for the flash-forwards?
- How did Kate explain to everyone that Aaron was actually her son?
- By working for Ben, is Sayid actually protecting his friends, or is he just killing people that would end up harming Ben?
- If Abbadon is still going after people to find out, is Widmore still alive, or Abbadon just trying to figure out what happened?
- And so on, and so on, and so on.

Now, I’m sure many of you have the same questions – I know they’re not particularly original, but I’d definitely like to hear what you all have to say.

Some random thoughts:

- I think the 6, whether it be all of them or some, will end up going back to the island, and that the last season in the series will likely be the return to the island to rescue/bring back/check on the survivors who are still left on the island.
- I think the timeline for the flash-forwards will be revealed by the end of the season, and I think that we’ll also start to see flash-forwards from other survivors who are not part of the 6.
- And finally, I still hate Abrams, Cuse and Lindelof.

Random note on Widmore Corporation – I was questioning before how Widmore could’ve found out anything about the island and all that stuff. Apparently, after some more roaming around Lostpedia, I found out that Alvar Hanso used to be on the Board of the Widmore Corporation, and was later replaced by his number two, who had imprisoned Hanso in his house. There is a ton of information on Lostpedia on this subject, so instead of running through this myself for 100 pages or so, I’ll let you all check that out if you want. You can find volumes on volumes on interesting stuff on that sight, and if you’re looking to take your fan status to the next level, this is where to do it. You can find out tons of things you wanted to know about the Hanso Foundation, the Dharma initiative – every person and every thing ever featured on that show, including a lot of things not on the show, but related, such as websites, books published and referenced on the show – all sorts of stuff. But be ready, if you take that jump, you’re going to be on that website for a long time.


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Puddin's Thoughts on UFN 13

Random thoughts from the event... Even though I'm not a stoner and feel no particular affection toward "Stockton, Cali," I love the Diaz brothers. Nate was dead to rights in the first round. Hell of a comeback. And the two-fingered salute? Stay classy, San Diego. But Kurt? What kind of a shitty nickname is "Batman"? I'm coming to train with ya, Nate! (I am invited, right?)

Did Tommy Speers give himself the nickname "The Farmboy"? Or do you suppose he lost a bet to his sister/cousin there on the farm? Either way, it sucks. And I don't know if Anthony Johnson is good, but I do know that Speers has a dim future in the UFC.

(All my comments won't be about nicknames... but come on... "The Farmboy"?? "Batman"??)

I'm surprised that Maynard won. I'm more surprised that he doesn't have his tramp stamp removed. I mean, who's he trying to attract back there? Nevermind, I don't want the answer. I just don't see Maynard making his way to the top of the division. I mean, literally. I can't look at his ridiculous tattoo. He should just fight in a mini-skirt.

Should James Irvin be allowed to enter the Octagon to any song other than the obvious Metallica choice? ("Enter..." well, you know.) I say no. Should losers be interviewed after a fight? I say no. (Except maybe in a championship bout.) Alexander was completely knocked out. Granted, he regained consciousness quickly, but he looked like Nate Quarry after his encounter with Rich Franklin's fist. Nothing is funnier than the muscle spasms that sometimes occur when someone gets KTFO. The fact that he insisted he was OK amounted to little more than whining... hence, no mic time for the loser. Also, Alexander's meteoric rise seems to have turned into an asteroidic plummet.

I like Boetsch. He's a refreshing change of pace from the other middle-tier LHW guys like Hamill and Tito. (Suck it, PreView.) Two-thirds of the guys in this weight class don't actually do anything during a fight. Oh well... I'm going to chalk it up to the mile-high air. Boetsch will come back strong. And is it wrong that I still laugh when I hear Hamill talk?

There may not be a more dichotomous fighter for me in the UFC than Karo. I really like his Austin Powers-esque judo skills. Watching Diego get thrown on his head made me smile for 2 weeks straight. But Karo is the paradigm of fighter douchebag... a smug little prick with tattoos and a totally wacked out sense of self-worth. Yes, Karo, I know who you are. you are JudoBag.*

*Nickname inspired by HCwDB.

And what to say about Florian v. Lauzon... Part of me died listening to Bruce Buffer say "J-Lau" (pronounced like the former pop star who married another former pop star, but they cancelled each other out and are no longer famous) and "Ken-Flo." Was this a main event or an excerpt from Us Weekly? I enjoyed the fight, even though it went several minutes longer than it should have. If there was ever a "I know this guy is getting pummeled, but Dana told me that he's marketable and we want him to win and I shouldn't stop the fight unless I'm really really really sure, and even then to wait a while longer" move by a ref, this was it. If covering your head is intelligently defending yourself, I'm confident I could make it to the 3rd round of a UFC fight so long as Donovan McNabb's in control.

Final thoughts... All in all, a pretty damn good card. Only 1 aired fight went to decision? Outstanding. Could that new ref have looked more like a different ethnicity of Harold from Harold & Kumar? Can't Arianny change the last letter of her name to an "a"? Does Goldberg's tan come from a salon or the beach volleyball matches? Jay Cutler is a celebrity? Is "D.E.A." anything more than a juiced version of "Cops"? Did Alves say "Heferee"? And the replays were sponsored by who now?

Finally, I just want to recognize a fighter who recently left the UFC to pursue ballroom dancing. Yes, that's right... fuck you, Tim Sylvia.


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UFC Fight Night 13 - One Sentence Comments

My one sentence comments on each fight – spoilers will obviously follow:

Kenny Florian v. Joe Lauzon – Lauzon continued to show a lot of promise, while Florian (once again) used arguably illegal tactics to get an edge in a fight.

Karo Parisyan v. Thiago Alves – I think the stoppage was too early, and I think Alves is an assbag for previously using a banned substance.

Matt Hammill v. Tim Boetsch – Even though Boetsch fell to Hammill after ripping through David Heath, I think an improved ground game would give him a better position in the UFC Heavyweight Division

Nate Diaz v. Kurt Pellegrino – Diaz overcame a lackluster first round to win the fight with an amazing submission, after both fighters showed what two world-class grapplers can do when they face off.

Houston Alexander v. James Irvin – Even though I wanted Alexander to win, I’m always happy when someone throws a Superman punch.

Gray Maynard v. Frankie Edgar – Gray “I’ve got a tramp stamp” Maynard” really controlled the pace of the fight and got a win over a quality opponent that should get him an even better one next time.

Josh Neer v. Din Thomas – I called Neer winning this one; Din’s knee injury is going to keep him from reaching a level higher than the one he’s on now.

Clay Guida v. Sammy Schiavo – Guida started 2008 off with a bang, and I think that if he gets rematches with any of his losses from 2007, he’ll get the win this year.

George Sotiropoulous v. Roman Mitichyan – Even though Sotiropoulous wasn’t too impressive on the reality show, I think he is guy to watch from that season.

Marcus Aurelio v. Ryan Roberts – Roberts was clearly outclassed (lost in 18 seconds)

Jeff Cox v. Manny Gamburyan – Manny got a good submission win over a guy a foot taller than him, and if his shoulder doesn’t give him anymore trouble, he should be on his way to rip through some other guys in the Lightweight class.

Anthony Johnson v. Tommy Speer – While there’s no question that Anthony Johnson has great, hard striking, I still think Speer fell victim to an illegal knee that ultimately set him up to get knocked out. (Going to have to check the Tivo on that one.)

Just so you all know, I’ve enlisted my good friend Puddin’ to do some commentary with me on pretty much everything, but especially UFC and Mixed Martial Arts related topics - so in the future, instead of just my commentary on stuff like this, you’ll be getting his too.


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There are a couple fight spoilers ahead, so if you haven't watched it yet, go forward at your own risk. True to my prediction, I didn't even hit 60%. I got 6 out of 12, for 50%. That's just ridiculous...admittedly, I picked underdogs in two of the fights, because I thought they would perform - and honestly, I still think that Tommy Speer fell victim to an illegal knee that ultimately set up his knockout, and I think the ref's stoppage in the Karo Parisyan fight was too early....but, I wasn't there, and I respect the refs, so I'm not going to complain about it more than that. All in all, good fights - a lot of quick finishes - make sure to catch the rebroadcast on Spike sometime this weekend if you missed it.

- PreView

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Because I’m running short on time, I’m just going to pick winner’s tonight, nothing more specific than that. Next time, it will get more specific, as to which round it will end in and so forth. (even though nobody probably cares :)

Kenny Florian v. Joe Lauzon - Florian

Karo Parisyan v. Thiago Alves - Parisyan

Matt Hammill v. Tim Boetsch - Boetsch (going out on a limb)

Nate Diaz v. Kurt Pellegrino - Diaz

Houston Alexander v. James Irvin - Alexander

Gray Maynard v. Frankie Edgar - Edgar

Josh Neer v. Din Thomas - Neer

Clay Guida v. Sammy Schiavo - Guida

George Sotiropoulous v. Roman Mitichyan - Sotiropoulous

Marcus Aurelio v. Ryan Roberts - Aurelio

Jeff Cox v. Manny Gamburyan - Gamburyan

Anthony Johnson v. Tommy Speer - Tommy Speer

So that’s it for this time – if history is any indication, I’ll end up with no better than 60% right….seriously. 2008 has not been my year for predictions….yet. Thank God I don’t bet money on these.


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