PV and Puddin' Chat Session I - UFC 84

For most (if not all) upcoming UFC events, PV and I will do a chat session. There may be chat sessions about other topics, but this is the plan for now. Without further ado, here's what went down:

Puddin': test.
PV: hello
Puddin': hello
PV: test this
Puddin': i'll test your mom
PV: Want to start at the big matches or the smaller ones?
Puddin': smaller, work our way up. like anal sex.
PV: well, then let's start with John "War Machine Koppenhaver v. Yoshiyuki Yoshida
Puddin': i was actually just thinking to start at the bottom of the fights page at ufc.com: Christian Wellisch v. Shane Carwin
PV: I'm going to go out on a limb here since I'm not familiar with either fighter and say Shane Carwin
Puddin': I'm torn... Wellisch goes by "The Hungarian Nightmare," so that's a strike against him. but his last fight was a win over a guy named Scott Junk. But Carwin is undefeated. Hmm...
PV: Wellisch lost to opponents such as Chieck Kongo and Soa Palelei...he has fought in the UFC twice, while Carwin hasn't fought in the UFC at all, but Carwin is undefeated so far, and has won by KO, TKO and submission
Puddin': I'm going to take Wellisch on UFC experience and beating a guy named Junk
PV: Lol. I'll take Carwin on the new guy factor... Although I do think beating a guy named Junk is an achievement in itself. Next fight?
Puddin': Jason Tan v. Dong Hyun Kim [insert penis joke]
PV: obviously
Puddin': Tan is British. I'll take Dong FTW.
PV: I concur. Dong appears to be one of the few asian guys in the game who consistently scores KOs... and Tan was KO'd severely by Marcus Davis, so I'm going with Dong (and now we can both insert gay jokes). Next fight?
Puddin': 2 Dongs don't make us right.
Puddin': ooh, that looked better before I pushed enter
PV: But 2 Dongs did beat Jenna Jameson (repeatedly)
Puddin': and vice versa!
PV: Lol... also true. Next fight?
Puddin': John Koppenhaver v. Yoshiyuki Yoshida
PV: Ah yes. Koppenahver did have an entertaining fight against Jared Rollins, but you have to look at the quality of competition. It's Yoshida's first fight in the UFC, but he's a judoka, like Karo (JudoBag) Parisyan, and if he can transition his tournament judo to fighting judo even half as effectively as Karo has, I think he's going to whoop up on Koppenhaver. That, and Koppenhaver bawled after he beat Rollins... not just cried, he bawled... so I'm going to count that against him, because with a nickname like War Machine, you shouldn't cry on camera.
Puddin': But Yoshida's nickname is Zenko... it sounds like a herp medicine
PV: Yeah, but he's part of the "Tokyo Yellow Mans" fighting team, how crazy is that?
Puddin': And he's only lost 2 fights... both by decision
PV: Which, I will admit, is a slightly more relevant point. but only slightly.
Puddin': Counterpoint... he is light for a Welterweight at 167. Koppenhaver has the edge on strength, I'd imagine
PV: But I think Yoshida is going to be infintely more agile, and will be able to finesse Koppenhaver
Puddin': which he may like
PV: Koppenhaver did seem to enjoy rolling around with Jared Rollins...
Puddin': I'll go with Zenko
PV: Good call. I think he's one of the few UFC acquisitions that's going to do well - and unfortunately, after Koppenhaver loses this fight, I think he'll be cut
Puddin': depends... Dana has a hard-on for guys who fight balls out. War Machine fits that bill.
PV: True - Clay Guida is evidence of that... but War Machine is much less a fan favorite that Guida, so if he loses this one, I'd say he's got one more, tops, to prove he's worth the money.
Puddin': i concur
PV: Next fight?
Puddin': Rich Clementi v. Terry Etim
PV: Clementi... he's on a hot streak now.
Puddin': But "No Love"???
PV: Yeah, I know, it's a horrible nickname. I think it could be fight of the night though, as they're both good submissions guys. They might "put on a clinic," if you will...
Puddin': oooh... a candidate for my list - "put on a clinic." Dammit... I want to take Etim, but I can't pick a Brit to win
PV: Lol... true... another way overused sports saying and almost always not true. Anyway, Clementi has a huge edge on experience. I think the closest thing we've seen to a "clinic" lately was Kurt Pellegrino and Nate Diaz
Puddin': go to the clinic and get some Zenko for the sores
PV: Good call.
Puddin': Clementi, but I'm not happy about it.
PV: I'm not entirely happy about it either, but he's done well lately, and I think he'll continue to. Next fight?
Puddin': Sokoudjou v. Kazuhiro Nakamura
PV: Sokoudjou - this should have been his first fight in the UFC, not Lyoto Machida. Regardless, I think he's going to beat Nakamura pretty badly. That, and he comes out in a predator mask, and predator should always beat the alien.
Puddin': I'm going to disagree... Nakamura took Machida and Shogun to decision, he's beaten Vovchanchyn and Randleman, and lost a split decision to Lil Nogueira. Plus, he's beaten a Gracie. And I was completely unimpressed with Sokoudjou in his fight with Machida
PV: True, but he did lose to Machida and Shogun, and if you ever catch any of the old Pride highlights, he was one of the few guys who still fought in a gi, and when he was fighting Wanderlei Silva, Silva was kicking his ass pretty badly, and Nakamura took off his gi top like he was going to do some major damage... and then immediately lost by TKO.
Puddin': Sokoudjou had 2 good wins against Arona and Rogerio... but his record is unimpressive. Nakamura FTW.
PV: Next fight?
Puddin': Ivan Salaverry v. Rousimar Palhares
PV: Palhares. Salaverry is a gatekeeper at best, and Palhares is one of CroCop's prodigies.
Puddin': Sherdog says he trains with BTT
PV: And Palhares has a much better ground game than CroCop. He used to train with BTT but he's with CroCop now. He has been since bfore CroCop lost to Kongo - he cornered CroCop in that fight.
Puddin': well, I think that CroCop was overrated and apparently is a quitter
PV: Why a quitter? He's fighting for DREAM now.
Puddin': is Sylvia not a quitter?
PV: Yeah, but Sylvia was a bitch long before he left the UFC. That, and I hate Sylvia.
Puddin': There is that.
PV: And Sylvia is going to get WORKED by Fedor. I think he might retire after that.
Puddin': I'll take Salaverry... only because he took Lindland to decision and CroCop is a sissy
PV: Don't get me wrong, I like Salaverry - he's a Team Punishment guy, and I love Team Punishment - but I think Palheres is going to take him.
Puddin': don't talk me out of rooting for a team punishment guy. What's wrong with you?
PV: wrong with me? what's wrong with you? You can't just jump on the Team Punishment bandwagon now that you've found somebody you hate less than Tito. :)
Puddin': first of all... I'm not on the Team Punishment bandwagon... I'm just not opening fire as it drives by
PV: Lol... nice.
Puddin': second... how dare you use an emoticon when you're not flirting with a girl. Or are you? Hey, sexy.
PV: you're not a girl? Our relationship has clearly been predicated on lies then - liar. I'm never trusting online profiles again!
Puddin': also, self-reprimand for using the word "emoticon." damn, I suck.
PV: Next fight?
Puddin': Thiago Silva v. Antonio Mendes
PV: Wait a sec... Sorry I was wrong - Palheres is not the one training with CroCop - it's Reljic, the guy fighting Gouveia. I still stand by my decision, though.
Puddin': haha... you're a moron
PV: Hey, it's all the weird names, I can't keep up. Aynway, I'm taking Silva by first round KO.
Puddin': I didn't even have to think about this one. Silva FTW.
PV: Mendes has beaten 3 guys named Silva.
Puddin': so has Jenna Jameson! at the same time!
PV: Also true... but I think this Silva will prevail in this one. Next fight?
Puddin': Ah, a perfect segue... Tito v. Machida
PV: Tito. I know you hate Tito. And I know you were impressed with Machida in his fight. As was I. However, Machida's big weakness is defending against wrestlers and that is Tito's biggest strength. However, I do think Machida is a better striker than Tito, so if Tito is too cocky to take him down, I don't think it will last too long.
Puddin': Machida ended Sokoudjou by triangle, if I remember correctly. And Sokoudjou is better than Tito. I'll take Machida, by the sport not passing him by yet.
PV: Not to mention, Tito has stated over and over this is his last fight in the UFC, and he could demand HUGE money on the free agent market, even with a loss to Machida. However, with a win over Machida, Tito's stock goes way up. I don't think Sokoudjou is better than Tito. A better striker, yes, but I don't think his judo skills would work as well against Tito. Not that they worked against Machida.
Puddin': at least we're typing this. We know you couldn't talk with your mouth full of Tito's tiny cock. Careful, you'll make Jenna jealous.
PV: Lol... nice. It just seems tiny because Jenna's vag is so huge.
Puddin': maybe
PV: Yeah, that was probably the gayest thing I've said today... but the day isn't over.
Puddin': i call shenanigans anyway
PV: Good call... moving on... next fight?
Puddin': Gouveia v. Goran Reljic
PV: Reljic, given my previous CroCop rationale. I don't think Gouveia is anything to write home about.
Puddin': well, fuck CroCop again. And Gouveia has won 6 of his last 7, with his only loss in there against Keith, the Dean of Mean Green Saline Machine Beans, Jardine.
Puddin':Plus, he beat Jon Fitch. [ignores that he lost to Rory Singer in King of the Cage.]
PV: yeah, but one of them was in a different weight class at the time, and Fitch was at a disadvantage either way.
Puddin': wow... so that was the piece you decided to comment on? terrific!
PV: I was typing that out when you threw out the Rory Singer comment - I couldn't think of anything witty besudes the fact that he KO'd Solomon Hutcherson who, when he woke up, asked if he'd won the fight. That, and Singer's nickname is "Version 2.5" and even though I'm a dork, I think that's too over the top.
Puddin': If I were him, my nickname would be "The Jazz"... as an homage to my man Neil Diamond... Rory "The Jazz" Singer. ba da bing.
PV: Homage to Neil Diamond... that deserves a kick in the nuts the next time I see you.
Puddin': I'm pretty sure we're no longer friends. Nobody disses my Neil.
PV: Everywhere around the world... they're coming to Americaaaaaaa. "Your" Neil? And I thought my man-crush on Tito was gay.
Puddin': oh... yeah it's nothing compared to my thing for the Jewish Elvis
PV: Right... right... well this could goon for days, so... next fight?
PV: go on... not goon
Puddin': I understood. thanks for the clarification though
PV: no prob
Puddin': Art Vandalay Enterprises v. The Dean of Mean Green Saline Machine Beans... or... Wanderlei Silva v. Keith Jardine
PV: I got it... Tough one to call. Jardine decisioned Liddell before Liddell decisioned Silva... but Silva does train with a snorkel...
Puddin': and Jardine throws those gay looking punches... which apparently are still effective
PV: And Jardine has a very odd stance, which I think Silva could get into and do some major damage. However, if Jardine can prevent Silva from closing the distance with the kicks like he kept working Liddell with, he might be able to crank out a decision. Silva is really, really quick though, and I think he can get around enough of Jardine's gay punches to do some damage. Jardine is tough though, so I don't think Silva could easily knock him out.
Puddin': Silva doesn't get knocked out either. And Houston Alexander fucked Jardine up
PV: True.
Puddin': Eventually, Silva will close his eyes and swing wildly... all it's gonna take is 1. Jardine will play it safe to win a decision, and then get clocked. Silva by stoppage.
PV: For me, this has been the toughest fight to call... I think Silva by stoppage is right, but it could be a submission stoppage, too - I've never seen any ground game from Jardine, and Silva's got a pretty good ground game. So yeah, Silva by some sort of stoppage.
Puddin': Silva's too old and stubborn to fight this one on the ground, despite his obvious advantage. Quick side note... UFC.com is featuring Franca v. Sherk on its UFC On Demand page. Interesting...
PV: Especially since that post-fight stuff disgraced Sherk and they cut Franca... So who do you think it will be? Sherk or Penn?
Puddin': I hate this fight. I want Penn to win. I think he can. But I think Sherk is going to lay on him for 25 minutes, like he does with everyone else.
PV: Yeah... I think you're right, but I do want Sherk to win. I think Penn is a great fighter, but even with his submission skills, I don't think he has enough strength to crank one of Sherk's arms or legs... and Sherk has no neck that an opponent could choke. I think Penn is going to come out guns blazing though, because that's how he got an extremely quick advantage over Stevenson.
Puddin': and Sherk will take him down and dry hump him to a boring decision
PV: Yeah... because if Sherk took 27 knees to the face from Franca, Penn won't be able to knock him out.
Puddin': And still... I can't say Sherk
PV: I understand - but I can.
Puddin': Penn by karma
PV: I think that might be a bit of a stretch... besides, if Penn loses here, it would give him an excuse to move to MW or something, since he's repeatedly stated he wants to win a belt in all weight classes... which I think overall is unrealistic, but if someone could do it, it would be Penn.
Puddin': He could win in any weight class but the one he naturally falls in... because of Sherk's neck and shoulders
PV: I think you mean lack of neck
Puddin': wait... you think it's a stretch to say that Penn will win?
PV: No - a stretch to say he'll win by karma
Puddin': how does he not have karma over the guy who cheated and only wins by making junior high love to his opponents?
PV: I still don't think Sherk cheated. And he doesn't have good karma because he said he was going to kill Sherk.
Puddin': you don't think Sherk cheated?
Puddin': you're probably involved in a pyramid scheme too.
Puddin': and you thought there were WMDs in Iraq.
Puddin': and you think the moon landing actually happened.
Puddin': I could go on.
Puddin': t-t-t-t-t-day, junior!
PV: No - I don't. He was that muscular and strong before the fight, and if you look at the steroid levels in his blood versus that in Royce Gracie who tested positive for the same thing, they're way different... and no, I'm not involved in a pyramid scheme, unless I start them... I did not think there were WMDs in Iraq, and the moon landing did happen... I've got the original videotape from where they filmed it in my basement... oops...
Puddin': 3 of 4. You support Roger Clemens?
PV: Lol... nope
Puddin': so, what caused the positive test?
Puddin': why do you have to write a fucking novel? space it out so I don't get bored
PV: The fact that Sherk's as muscular as he is, works out as much as he does and takes 800 supplements. The body naturally produces certain level Nandrolene (sp?)... normal levels are 6 or 7 (parts per million/billion/I have no idea). When Royce Gracie tested positive, his levels were in the 60s. When Sherk tested positive, his level was something like 14, and the research they presented to the CSAC showed that people who work out a lot more produce higher levels...
Puddin': NandrolOne
PV: K. Regardless....
Puddin': and yet, he lost his appeal. guilty as fuck.
PV: like CSAC never made a fucking mistake? i.e. saying Nick Diaz benefited in his fight from smoking weed two weeks beforehand...
Puddin': but that's a judgment call, not a science call
PV: it is a science call
Puddin': if his levels were normal, he could have proven it. he didn't.
PV: which one is a judgment call?
Puddin': the weed. no one disputed whether he smoked.
PV: that is scientific - THC is not a performance enhancing drug. It's a banned substance, but not a performance enhancer
Puddin': right... but i'm saying that the drug test was not questioned. with Diaz, it was a judgment call. with Sherk, they looked at data.
PV: Right - and it was a dumbass judgment call - with Sherk, the test was questioned, and CSAC never offered to do a follow-up test... in spite of the fact there's such thing as a false positive...
Puddin': and Sherk didn't do an independent test as evidence
PV: Yes he did. CSAC wouldn't accept the results because the test wasn't done by Quest Diagnostics
Puddin': was it by his brother in the basement?
PV: which is apparently the only testing company in California that CSAC says is legit. But anyway...
Puddin': sorry... from what I understood, the data supported the notion that he didn't stop his cycle soon enough. and I'm willing to believe that...
PV: that is a valid argument, but I just don't believe it.
Puddin': ...not a guy who looks juiced and trains as though he's juiced
PV: If Sherk wasn't such a freak of nature, I might not believe him, but he's always been that way
Puddin': perhaps there's a reason for that
PV: healthy living and Jess
PV: Jess
PV: Jesus
PV: Sorry, my "u" kept sticking. But I suppose it could be healthy living and somebody named Jess
Puddin': weird, there's no "u" in Tito
PV: Lol... nice try
Puddin': i couldn't resist. agree to disagree on this one.
PV: True. I guess this finishes the first official PV and Puddin' collaborative UFC discussion... not too bad.
Puddin': not too bad at all
PV: I think UFC 85 will definitely give us some more quality fights to work with instead of just 3 or 4.
Puddin': any comments on the caption for 84? "Ill Will." Oooooooh.
PV: It sounds dangerous... or not... I suppose it is true, though b/c of the animosity between Sherk and Penn...
Puddin': which will magically vanish after the fight
PV: yeah... and the'y suddenly love each other and talk about what a great fighter the other guy is
Puddin': it's a bigger lock than Machida over Tito
PV: Lol... again, nice try