Having Trouble Deciding Which Candidate is the Best? I Have Something That Might Help

In what has to be the greatest thing come up with since Tina Fey doing a Sarah Palin impression (which is genius), I came across this helpful website today. Various polls will ask which candidate you'd like to share a beer with, or which you'd like to watch football with, or which you'd think would be best to run the country.

I have yet to see a poll which asks one of the most important questions - which candidate (or candidate's wife) do you think could win a Mortal Kombat style tournament, complete with weapons?

Now that question can be answered, with your help. Just check it out here. You'll probably have to watch a quick commercial first, but it's worth the wait.

-PreView

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Random Thought (#2.5)

Something I meant to mention before - before The Hills premiere last night, they did a little "retrospective" commentary from people on the show, famous bloggers like Perez Hilton, and other socialites who are equally famous for doing nothing.

Anywho, one of the show's characters, "Justin Bobby" was accused of kissing a girl right in front of Audrina, his girlfriend at the time. The point of this random thought is that JB, during the retrospective said something to the effect of, "I know there's some "skepticalasism" about whether I kissed this girl." Sweet Pseudo Reality TV. I'm gettting dumber watching this show, and I fear I'm making all of you dumber as you read this.

-PreView

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Random Thought (#2)

I watched the season premiere of The Hills last night. As I've mentioned before, it's one of my favorite guilty pleasures. I only mention it here because while my desire to do a particular thing had waned since last season, last night confirmed that if I ever see Spencer Pratt in person, he's getting kicked in the nuts, no questions asked. He has to top my list as the World's Single Most Useless Person. So Spencer, if you ever come across this and you're planning on visiting KY, it would be in your best interests to wear a cup. There's no excuse for your repeated and blatant aggravated douchebaggery.

-PreView

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Continuing the video kick - afro ninja and more

After I posted the video with Rusty, the narcoleptic weiner dog yesterday, I got to thinking about other videos that have really cracked me up over time. I know that most of you will have seen most of these, but I'm posting some more for fun, just to bring back some good laughs. "Afro Ninja" is immediately below this text, and a few others will follow after the jump. Enjoy. (All videos taken from YouTube.)

- PreView





This next video simply shows that while weiner dogs look cute, they could easily be trained to be weapons of mass destruction. Thanks to Mrs. Sheriff to pointing this out to me.




Powerthirst - energy drink spoof - love this one. You've got to hear the sound on this, though, because it definitely adds to the overall feeling.




Before all of the UFC events, they play two songs in the background while getting comments from the fighters in the main events and things like that. I came across this spoof about a year ago before UFC 75 - if you're an MMA fan, you'll get a kick out of it - if not, you won't get quite the kick, but I still think you'll have a good laugh.




Finally, I don't know how many of you may caught any one of David Blaine's street magic specials on TV at three in the morning on the gameshow channel or something, but the next few videos are clearly a spoof of those. For the record, I think David Blaine is awesome (go ahead, Puddin, take your shots), and I think Criss Angel is a tool. Three different spoofs of David Blaine's street magic, shot by the same guys.









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Guilty Pleasures #1: Puddin's Reply

I have known for some time of PreView's affinity for shows whose target demographic is the 14-18 year old mid-to-upper-class female. I make fun of him constantly because of it. But it reminds me of one of my own guilty pleasures.

On our trip back from our honeymoon, my wife and I had to connect through Miami, and in the process, pass through customs. Much to my surprise (and delight), we passed through customs immediately behind the lovely Amanda Bynes (pictured below).



Like an idiot school boy (which comprises 90-95% of who I am anyway), I get all excited and point it out to my wife. Predictably, she was thrilled by neither 1) Amanda Bynes; nor 2) my reaction to the situation.

Wife: That's really creepy. She's a teenager!

Me: She's not a teenager. She's 21.

[Death stare from the woman I married 8 days ago.]

I wasn't sure if she was upset at the content of my response, how quickly it came, or both. But I had definitely put my foot in my mouth. Apparently my response was just about the worst thing I could have said, a close 2nd to: "I had sex with your sister during the reception last weekend."

Wife (annoyed) : How in the hell do you know that?

Me (sheepishly) : I dunno. You gotta keep track of that sort of stuff.

0 for 2.

Wife (deadpan) : If you ask her for her autograph, I'm divorcing you.

Instead of trying to convince Ms. Bynes to join us in a threesome, I decided then that it would be in my best interest to let this one go for a while. After all, attractive female celebrities reach the age-of-consent milestone all the time. Thank you, Nickelodeon. (In my defense, she was 21. I was completely in the clear.)

So there you have it... while PV prefers to watch them on TV, I like to check their IMDB pages to figure out their birthdays. In the words of one of the great 20th Century American philosophers, "I get older... they stay the same age." Amen, Wooderson. Amen.

Postscript: Customs in Miami was an absolute ZOO that day (maybe it's like that everyday... I don't know). It was a miracle we were able to find an employee who actually spoke English. To Ms. Bynes credit, even though she was getting some of the celeb treatment, she still had to wait with everyone else. She stayed calm and was polite whenever she spoke. I didn't know exactly what was going on, but I suspect that one of her bags didn't make it to Miami. I guess I expect female celebs like her to act like self-important, entitled, princess bitches, but she seemed pretty cool. I guess what I'm trying to say is, Amanda, if you're reading this, I would like to have a threesome with you.

~Puddin'
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Guilty Pleasures # 1 (NSFW)

My biggest guilty pleasure is probably pseudo-reality shows like Laguna Beach and The Hills. Yeah, I know, they're terrible shows, but that's why it's called a guilty pleasure, folks....and now, watching those stupid shows has finally paid off in a way that's kept me laughing for a week now. But seriously, don't check this out at work, there's some filthy stuff that follows...but filthy in a fun way.

So - Audrina Partridge is one of the "stars" of The Hills. Now, it's recently come to light that she posed for some nude photos. For your convenience, I've enclosed a link you can check outhere.

Clicking on the censored pics will get you the uncensored versions...if you're into that sort of thing.

Anywho, she has sinced claimed they were for her "portfolio" and were meant to be "artistic"....because nothing screams artistic like a naked girl in a bathtub wearing a cowboy hat.

Now, I love this kind of stuff (beyond the nude factor) because these girls think they're "stars" or "actresses" and I really get a kick out of pictures like these because I can tell you exactly how this photo shoot went...like this....

Audrina: So, thanks photographer, for taking pics for my portfolio. Are there any more outfits you think I should try?

Photog: Well...hmm...I don't know...Wait, I've got it! How about we take some pictures of you standing in a bathtub, naked, wearing a cowboy hat?

Audrina: I don't know, that seems kind of slutty, I don't think I should take any nude photos.

Photog: Oh, come on - all of the famous actresses are doing it. How do you think such great stars like Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton got to be as popular as they are? Would I ever do anything that could come back to haunt you? And seriously, has any popular person ever gotten in trouble because of some harmless nude pics?

Audrina: Well...you're probably right - but they have to be artistic, too.

Photog: No problem - you get naked and I'll get artistic.

And there you have it, folks. I love reality TV and the whores that make it almost worth watching.

Some other reality shows filled with whores:

- Rock of Love
- Flavor of Love
- Beauty and the Geek
- America's Next Top Model

I think Rock of Love and Flavor of Love are my personal favorites of these four just because Brett Michaels and Flavor Flav are two of the most unlikely reality TV stars ever, and the fact that there are women who both want to and will sleep with them....well, I just think that's hilarious. Because seriously, aside from Michaels and Flav, I think the only bigger no-talent assbag that ever did so little to have women sleep with him has been William Shatner.

- PreView

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