4.06.2008

Guilty Pleasures #1: Puddin's Reply

I have known for some time of PreView's affinity for shows whose target demographic is the 14-18 year old mid-to-upper-class female. I make fun of him constantly because of it. But it reminds me of one of my own guilty pleasures.

On our trip back from our honeymoon, my wife and I had to connect through Miami, and in the process, pass through customs. Much to my surprise (and delight), we passed through customs immediately behind the lovely Amanda Bynes (pictured below).



Like an idiot school boy (which comprises 90-95% of who I am anyway), I get all excited and point it out to my wife. Predictably, she was thrilled by neither 1) Amanda Bynes; nor 2) my reaction to the situation.

Wife: That's really creepy. She's a teenager!
Me: She's not a teenager. She's 21.
[Death stare from the woman I married 8 days ago.]
I wasn't sure if she was upset at the content of my response, how quickly it came, or both. But I had definitely put my foot in my mouth. Apparently my response was just about the worst thing I could have said, a close 2nd to: "I had sex with your sister during the reception last weekend."
Wife (annoyed) : How in the hell do you know that?
Me (sheepishly) : I dunno. You gotta keep track of that sort of stuff.
0 for 2.
Wife (deadpan) : If you ask her for her autograph, I'm divorcing you.
Instead of trying to convince Ms. Bynes to join us in a threesome, I decided then that it would be in my best interest to let this one go for a while. After all, attractive female celebrities reach the age-of-consent milestone all the time. Thank you, Nickelodeon. (In my defense, she was 21. I was completely in the clear.)

So there you have it... while PV prefers to watch them on TV, I like to check their IMDB pages to figure out their birthdays. In the words of one of the great 20th Century American philosophers, "I get older... they stay the same age." Amen, Wooderson. Amen.

Postscript: Customs in Miami was an absolute ZOO that day (maybe it's like that everyday... I don't know). It was a miracle we were able to find an employee who actually spoke English. To Ms. Bynes credit, even though she was getting some of the celeb treatment, she still had to wait with everyone else. She stayed calm and was polite whenever she spoke. I didn't know exactly what was going on, but I suspect that one of her bags didn't make it to Miami. I guess I expect female celebs like her to act like self-important, entitled, princess bitches, but she seemed pretty cool. I guess what I'm trying to say is, Amanda, if you're reading this, I would like to have a threesome with you.

~Puddin'

3 comments:

GiantAsianMan said...

I received a phone call from Puddin' shortly after this incident. Needless to say, I found it hysterical. When I heard the story, I believe I said that the only response worse than "She's not a teenager, she's 21." would have been "She's not a teenage, she turned 21 on [insert Amanda Bynes's birthday]." Good to know that while Puddin' keeps track of who is and isn't legal, he doesn't commit their birthdays to memory. I guess once they turn 18, the specific birth day becomes moot.

But this brings me to the larger point- Puddin' has an uncanny knack for meeting famous people. Not only did he see Amanda Bynes in the Miami Airport, he also saw Drew Bledsoe. There was Pat Summitt at a Reds Game. Wayne Brady in a bathroom at the Venetian in Las Vegas. Didn't you get Amarillo Slim's autograph at a nearby casino as well? Crazy.

Puddin' said...

We really need to push the readership from the 0-3 range up to the 4-7 range.

Or not. It's completely self-indulgent anyway.

Puddin' said...

Also, I did meet Amarillo Slim. PV was there as well.

When I was 6, and the MLB All-Star game was in town, I met George Brett and Daryl Strawberry at a restaurant. (I met a lot of other sports icons that day at a nearby card show, but those were scheduled appearances, so I'll leave them out.)

When I worked at McDonald's, Michael Badalucco (from the TV show "The Practice") came in and ordered ice cream for his wife.

I can't think of any others right now. I'll update if I do.