Over the past few weeks, Yahoo has been featuring a number of lists, 25 top rappers, 25 worst rappers, 25 best hair bands, 25 worst hair bands and so on…
What makes the Yahoo workers think they are the preeminent authority on everything? So in response, I’m making my own list.
25. Criss Angel – You’re not David Blaine and you never will be. Go back to playing birthday parties and bar mitzvahs.
24. Being stuck in traffic – I feel this one is self-explanatory.
23. People who cut me off in said traffic – Also self-explanatory.
22. People taking up multiple spaces in a parking lot – I hate it when somebody parks their f’ing Nissan Altima across 2 spaces because they feel their car is so hot, if they park it normally, somebody is going to ding their $200 paint job. Every time I see a car like this, I want to smash their windshield.
21. Bad water pressure in showers – I need all the help I can waking up, and bad water pressure just makes me want to go back to bed.
20. People who think that getting rid of all the guns would stop all the crime – for Pete’s sake, people – if someone wants to commit a crime, they’re going to find a way, guns or no guns. Get off your high horse.
19. Organic Foods – I mean, seriously, how many people can really tell a difference?
18. Country Music – I just don’t like it.
17. Flavor of Love – There has never been a bigger no-talent assbag that did so little to get famous (besides William Shatner – but I do love Boston Legal). And the fact that all these women want to sleep with him just proves to me how big of golddiggers some women can be.
16. TV Writers Striking – Don’t deprive me of my favorite TV shows just because you had a bad lawyer that didn’t negotiate a good contract.
15. The fact that Abercrombie and Fitch discontinued Woods cologne – The only thing I ever bought from A&F, my favorite kind of cologne, and they just discontinued it. Not because it wasn’t selling, but because they wanted to make way for two other colognes – both of which suck. Now I’ve been forced to pay ridiculous prices on ebay. Yet another reason for me to hate A&F.
14. Vegans – There’s meat, why not eat it?
13. America’s Next Top Model – Hot or not, Tyra Banks annoys the piss out of me, and to date, none of her progeny have actually become America’s Next Top Model…but that doesn’t stop them from cranking out season after season. I think they’re on 12 or 13 now.
12. Diddy trying to rap – A great producer and a great businessman, but I think he actually loses “street cred” by trying to rap.
11. Bottled Water – There’s a never-ending free source of it. Why pay for it?
10. Wearing the shirt of the band you’re going to see – Like they said in “PCU”, “Don’t be that guy.”
9. The TV Show Friends – I hated this show. I don’t think I’ve ever been happier to hear that a TV show was ending.
8. The ending of The Sopranos – I see the symbolism in the ending, but I wanted to see Tony kick some more ass before the series was over.
7. UK Basketball/Football Fans – UK is not the greatest team in the world, and the basketball team does not deserve to go to the NCAA tourney every year, regardless of what you think. And I don’t think there is anything wrong with being supportive of your team, but UK fans feel entitled regardless of how bad the team sucks, and many of them, when asked questions like “How do you think UK will do this year?” answer in a way that I suppose would be 7(a) – by saying “Oh, I think we’ll do well this year.” Really, “we”? I always want to ask them what role they play on the team. I didn’t know they offered scholarships for being the drunk asshole painted blue at the games.
6. Student Loans – The bane of my existence.
5. People mispronouncing mischievous – Bothers me to no end.
4. Non-lawyers who represent themselves in court, civil or criminal – It’s such a waste of the Court’s time for them to do this – they don’t know how to properly form a motion, who needs to be served, how to address things at a hearing…anything.
3. Michael Vick – Used to like this guy until the dog incident. The fact that he would treat dogs like that and pay for dogs to be treated like that is fu**ing ridiculous. If I ever meet him, he’s getting a good kick in the nuts…seriously. I don’t care what the consequences would be.
2. Gas Prices – I don’t think anyone disagrees with me on this one.
1. Pretentious Lists and the People Who Make Them – You can't take yourself too seriously :)
-PreView
5.01.2008
25 Things That Annoy Me
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
Pretty good list. Two things though...
Inadvertently, you admitted that you watch Flavor of Love. All the other teenie-bopper shows in re-runs?
Also, whether it's for one thing or everything, you shop at Abercrombie and Fitch. Not only that, you are seeking out second-hand Abercrombie and Fitch products on ebay. Not only THAT, but you used an abbreviation to reference the store, like you're one of them. I thought I knew you...
Yeah, I've watched Flavor of Love....just like Rock of Love, it's a trainwreck I can't take my eyes off of.
And about Abercrombie...yes, I shopped there, yes, I seek out the products on ebay, and yes, I used an abbreviation for the store...my self-loathing knows no bounds.
re:People taking up multiple space in a parking lot- Do what I do, park right next to them in one of the halfway-filled spots. Especially if they've parked in all by themselves way in the back of the lot and there are tons of available space. They really enjoy that.
re:TV writers striking- I don't think you can blame the writer's guild for not having good enough lawyers here. The writers were trying to get paid for a medium that didn't exist when the last contract was negotiated. Did you know what the internet was in 1988? I'm not saying that the strike didn't suck (because it did), but its not the writer's fault.
I'm actually going to get in on this trainwreck. First, don't ever impliedly compare William Shatner with, say, Paris Hilton and her ilk.
Otherwise, I would agree with much of what is on your list, but some of it wouldn't be on mine. And that's what's really most important here.
Be prepared for an ass-kicking on Saturday, May 17.
Have you ever heard Shatner's "singing"? If that doesn't say "no talent" I don't know what does. (But again, I do love Boston Legal.)
As for May 17th, I wouldn't mind getting my ass kicked if everybody would just show up :) But somebody is probably having a birthday party....
Post a Comment