4.04.2008

Puddin's Thoughts on UFN 13

Random thoughts from the event... Even though I'm not a stoner and feel no particular affection toward "Stockton, Cali," I love the Diaz brothers. Nate was dead to rights in the first round. Hell of a comeback. And the two-fingered salute? Stay classy, San Diego. But Kurt? What kind of a shitty nickname is "Batman"? I'm coming to train with ya, Nate! (I am invited, right?)

Did Tommy Speers give himself the nickname "The Farmboy"? Or do you suppose he lost a bet to his sister/cousin there on the farm? Either way, it sucks. And I don't know if Anthony Johnson is good, but I do know that Speers has a dim future in the UFC.

(All my comments won't be about nicknames... but come on... "The Farmboy"?? "Batman"??)

I'm surprised that Maynard won. I'm more surprised that he doesn't have his tramp stamp removed. I mean, who's he trying to attract back there? Nevermind, I don't want the answer. I just don't see Maynard making his way to the top of the division. I mean, literally. I can't look at his ridiculous tattoo. He should just fight in a mini-skirt.

Should James Irvin be allowed to enter the Octagon to any song other than the obvious Metallica choice? ("Enter..." well, you know.) I say no. Should losers be interviewed after a fight? I say no. (Except maybe in a championship bout.) Alexander was completely knocked out. Granted, he regained consciousness quickly, but he looked like Nate Quarry after his encounter with Rich Franklin's fist. Nothing is funnier than the muscle spasms that sometimes occur when someone gets KTFO. The fact that he insisted he was OK amounted to little more than whining... hence, no mic time for the loser. Also, Alexander's meteoric rise seems to have turned into an asteroidic plummet.

I like Boetsch. He's a refreshing change of pace from the other middle-tier LHW guys like Hamill and Tito. (Suck it, PreView.) Two-thirds of the guys in this weight class don't actually do anything during a fight. Oh well... I'm going to chalk it up to the mile-high air. Boetsch will come back strong. And is it wrong that I still laugh when I hear Hamill talk?

There may not be a more dichotomous fighter for me in the UFC than Karo. I really like his Austin Powers-esque judo skills. Watching Diego get thrown on his head made me smile for 2 weeks straight. But Karo is the paradigm of fighter douchebag... a smug little prick with tattoos and a totally wacked out sense of self-worth. Yes, Karo, I know who you are. you are JudoBag.*

*Nickname inspired by HCwDB.

And what to say about Florian v. Lauzon... Part of me died listening to Bruce Buffer say "J-Lau" (pronounced like the former pop star who married another former pop star, but they cancelled each other out and are no longer famous) and "Ken-Flo." Was this a main event or an excerpt from Us Weekly? I enjoyed the fight, even though it went several minutes longer than it should have. If there was ever a "I know this guy is getting pummeled, but Dana told me that he's marketable and we want him to win and I shouldn't stop the fight unless I'm really really really sure, and even then to wait a while longer" move by a ref, this was it. If covering your head is intelligently defending yourself, I'm confident I could make it to the 3rd round of a UFC fight so long as Donovan McNabb's in control.

Final thoughts... All in all, a pretty damn good card. Only 1 aired fight went to decision? Outstanding. Could that new ref have looked more like a different ethnicity of Harold from Harold & Kumar? Can't Arianny change the last letter of her name to an "a"? Does Goldberg's tan come from a salon or the beach volleyball matches? Jay Cutler is a celebrity? Is "D.E.A." anything more than a juiced version of "Cops"? Did Alves say "Heferee"? And the replays were sponsored by who now?

Finally, I just want to recognize a fighter who recently left the UFC to pursue ballroom dancing. Yes, that's right... fuck you, Tim Sylvia.

-Puddin'

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